[BUGFIX] Use subselect to update reference index

Switch updateIndex method to use a subselect based approach
to avoid errors due to huge parameter lists for manually
built NOT IN queries which could exceed the maximum query
length.

Add a warning if the table doesn't share a connection with
the reference index as it can not be updated automatically.

Resolves: #79397
Releases: master
Change-Id: I563dfe607b24ffe949ef5a0e9d2e62b2312ff8f0
Reviewed-on: https://review.typo3.org/51370


Tested-by: TYPO3com <no-reply@typo3.com>
Reviewed-by: Morton Jonuschat <m.jonuschat@mojocode.de>
Tested-by: Morton Jonuschat <m.jonuschat@mojocode.de>
Reviewed-by: Christian Kuhn <lolli@schwarzbu.ch>
Tested-by: Christian Kuhn <lolli@schwarzbu.ch>